Confession # 77

I am not a do-it-yourselfer…
(That is not a double entendre)

I am a little ashamed to admit this, but I am not very good at fixing things around the house. So, I rely on the kindness of my gentlemen friends to help me with anything I do not want to do or learn how to do; such as hanging pictures or setting up my home theater equipment.

The problem with this is that I am at the mercy of these men, who often do not what they are doing either.

Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the help they give me, and they do try really hard, but sometimes the mess they make is worse than the original problem. Lucky for me, I am really good at fixing and cleaning up messes made by men.

So this weekend when a friend came over and spent all day trying to fix my TiVo to no avail, I thanked him kindly with a nice dinner said goodnight and set in on the mess left in my living room.

After about ten minutes of picking up manuals and setting AV equipment back in place, and connecting a wire or two that seemed to have been forgotten, I had my TiVo up and working just great!

Confession # 76

I love Kitsch!

As I unpack my house, I am rediscovering all the little items that were either given to me as gifts or I bought myself that continue to put a smile on my face!

Kitsch Inventory (so far)

RETRO BARWARE WITH FUNNY SAYINGS:
Martini Glasses that say:
“I don’t care if he calls or not!”
”A girl can't live on diet cola alone”
“Because cramps don't go away by themselves”

Shot Glass set that say:
“Maybe Mr. Right is wrong for you”
“What if your soulmate is ugly?
“Prince Charming is a Jerk”

Bar Towels that say:
“Prozac, Shmozac! Haven’t these people heard of a Martini?”
“I like to cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“Both of us can’t look good at the same time, it’s either me or the house”
“Stop me before I volunteer again,”
“The nice part about living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I am doing, someone else surely does.”
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KITCHEN KITSCH
Anything with a ROOSTER or a CHICKEN!

Retro Coffee Mugs
Favorites:
Rosie the Riveter
“DRINK COFFEE Do stupid things faster with more energy!”
“COFFEE You can sleep when you are dead”
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OFFICE KITSCH
Anything with the Eiffel Tower or says Paris on it.

Fun Tile Magnets with funny sayings:
Here are a few:
“Men come and go. Jewelry lasts forever.”
“She knew how to please a man, but most days chose not to”
“I still miss you, but I’m shopping through my pain”
Trailer Trash Girl
“I’m having my period and can legally kill you”
“Being unstable and bitchy is all part of my mystique”

Fancy Overpriced Paper Clips
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SILLY CONVERSATION PIECE KITSCH
Door Hangers that say:
Gone Shopping
Enter at your own risk

Coasters:
All kinds:
Beaded
Wood
Glass
Terracotta
Tiles
And Novelty Retro one with the same funny sayings as above

Seashells/Sea rocks

Bud vases

Candles

Novelty Books

Antique Doorknobs & Drawer Pulls

Antique Pill Boxes and Compacts

Lace and Linen Handkerchiefs

Tea Sets
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But the Ultimate Kitsch Item I have is a Cowgirl Belt Buckle
It is pretty cool it even has a Bottle opener But I have no use for it, (that is why it is my ultimate kitsch item), maybe I will sell it on ebay.

Back to unpacking!

Confession # 75

I love double entendres!

I have a friend with benefits, but I thought I would see if I could impose upon the relationship and see if my friend also came with favors. I need some pictures hung so I called him up. This was the conversation
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BB: Hey! Do you know how to screw a molly?

FwB: Uumm… Well first you need to find a stud?

BB: Well that is why I am calling you.

FwB: Do you have a drill?

BB: NO! I thought you had one.

FwB: Okay, you know, if this “STUD” is going to come all the way down from Walnut Creek, it is not just “MOLLY” who is getting “SCREWED”

BB: Well who is going to get “SCREWED” first “MOLLY” or me?

FwB: Business before Pleasure! I will be there at 6 (PM).

BB: Don’t forget your drill.

FwB: Do I ever? See you in a bit. Bye!

BB: Bye!
---
Got to run, have a stud coming over with a drill to screw some holes! ;-)

I AM HOME!

Getting from point A to B…

I got some emails to find out how I went from telling my best friend I wanted to explore a romantic relationship with him to getting a booty call in church. Here is the answer, and boy would my therapist be proud.

Okay, right now my world in a little out of control. Construction on my house is taking a bit longer than expected, so a three-week stay with my parents has tuned into a month-and-a-half stay. I am in the middle of two big fundraisers and have been tapped to host a rather large event in February. My social calendar seems to be way over booked with 2 or 3 events scheduled for the same day. I have not been able to make it to the gym, to the trail to run or even walk shaggy to the park to throw a ball. In a nutshell, I have ZERO alone time coupled with a ton of stress and no release.

When I started to toy around with the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship with my friend, it was at the height of all the craziness and I was looking to be rescued. My friend does that quite well.

Well taking a step back from the whole situation, I realized that when I do get back home and start to stabilize my life, I might feel very differently. I have always said, I am building this house for me and I don’t want to share it with anyone. I need to enjoy it first, live in it and create a life in it. All by myself! That is the current plan, and it feels like a good one.

When the time is right and the right man presents himself, there will not be any questions or apprehensions. When the time is right I will be ready.

Confession # 74

I go to church every Sunday.

Yes Ms. BrazenlyBad is for the most part a Good Catholic Girl.

Well this morning as Mass is just getting under way my cell phone goes off. -- IT IS BOOTY CALL!

I am sure it is some kind of sign, but I don’t know what it means.