Confession # 67

I have strict rules about one-night-stands.

Rule # 1 NEVER… EVER… STAY TILL MORNING!

Okay so I really only have one rule. But it is a good one!

Now the question is how do you get a guy out of your bed and on his way home with out seeming rude if he does not know this rule.

This was the topic for discussion over martinis last night. Here are the subtle hints we came up with to help the cute but stupid man making himself at home between your sheets understand that it is time to leave.

Things to say…

✿ Can I call you a cab?
✿ If you need a cab, the number is on speed dial.
✿ Your car keys are on the entry table.
✿ I have to be at work early tomorrow, would you be a doll and lock the door on your way out.
✿ I wish you could stay but I don’t have any coffee, eggs, juice or a kitchen, so if you want breakfast you should probably go home.

If he doesn’t get the hint, here are some things you can do…

✿ Make a phone call! Real or imagined.
✿ Excuse yourself to the bathroom and come back with a mud mask on and a big giant curler in you hair.
✿ Pull out a copy of Modern Bride. It can be 10 years old, he would never know.
✿ Grab your dog/cat or better yet a stuffed animal, talk to it in a baby voice, ask him to kiss it and then place in right in between the both of you in bed. That is if he is still in bed and not frantically looking for his pants.

If none of that works try this…

✿ Ask him if he loves you and when he gives you the “What?” look, start to cry!

Confession # 66

All of my secretes are held safe by four very special people in my life.

Can you guess who they are?
A) My Mother
B) My Best Friend
C) My Hairdresser
D) My Therapist
E) My Housekeeper
F) My Trainer
G) My Doctor
H) My Sister
I) My Other Best Friend
J) My Manicurist
K) My Facialist
L) My Ex-Husband
M) My Other Sister
N) My Dog

If you guessed C, F, J, & K, you are correct.

For some odd reason I tell these four people things I would never tell anyone else. Not even you all anonymously.

Confession # 65

I have said my final goodbye tonight.

No more thoughts about hidden notes in special places, birthday rendezvous, or midnight visits on odd weekends.

My life is good. My life is full. Letting go and moving on
should be easy—it has been anything but.

I have to do it now. I have no choice. I will do it one step at a time, and take deep breaths along the way and It will happen. Not tomorrow or even the next day, but it will happen. One day I will wake up and find that I have forgotten everything but his name.

Confession # 64

I am a cliché.

Last night a friend and I went to see the movie “Must Love Dogs,” and there were certain parts of that movie that just hit too close to home.

Obviously, I too have and love dogs.

I too have two younger sisters who are up in my life.

I too have cute pajamas that I can be found in at odd times of the day.

I too worry about being that girl who sits at home all day reading Jane Austen and getting fat. Especially since “Pride and Prejudice” has its own special place on my night table. Hey! Mr. Darcy is my ideal man. (Both in Austen’s version and Fielding’s modern day version of the story)

I too have a different teapot for everyday of the week and for every different mood that accompanies that day, a teakettle that cost more than it should but is beautiful to look at, and the same stove!

I too often cook breakfast, lunch and dinner with my PowerBook sitting on the counter behind me, my window to the outside world. I don’t eat over the sink though; I eat in front of the TV with the TiVo remote and phone close at hand.

I too have a relationship with the guy behind the deli counter at the market, and the guy at the wine shop, and guy at Starbucks, and the guy at Pizza My Heart.

There is more, and there are also plenty of differences, but it still all equals up to the fact that I am a recently divorced older woman rediscovering her self, and I am doing it just like I should and like is expected and I too will find the right guy some day. And yes he must love dogs.

BTW… I am a XBOV, FCTE (Whatever that means)

Confession # 63

I AM A BIG CHICKEN!

There is no way I could leave this on your voice mail or in your email so just know...

I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU!

I hope it is not too late! I hope you hear me as I try desperately to shout it out!

I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU!

I really do, it is not the wine and the bad date talking, it is the bad date and the wine that made me realize...

I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU?

Sadly, this realization IS too late.

LOVING YOU WAS NOT ENOUGH...
MISSING YOU WILL BE FOREVER...

Reality TV is stranger than fiction...

I got the strangest email today.

I would have thought this was a joke, but I got the same email a couple a days ago from a very reputable source so this is on the up and up.

What do you think? Should I do it? I could be a star! ☺

-----------------------------------------
To: verygood@brazenlybad.com
Subject: Casting call to be in a great upcoming TV show!
From: xxxxxxxxx
Date: Tues. 16 Aug 2005 16:50:29 -0500

BrazenlyBad

Please consider the following... We think you would really add to the program.

CASTING: A New Primetime TV show searching for single women 25 and over, who are seeking their perfect match in the San Francisco area for a real-life ROMANTIC COMEDY series.

The Emmy award winning team that brings you Queer Eye is currently conducting a search to find women for Single Minded.

If you are ready and willing, we can help you get ready to find the man of your dreams. On Single Minded, we will provide you with the tools you need to embark on this life changing journey- the quest for true love.

To be considered please email your: name, phone number, PHOTO, as well as a few sentences about you and why you'd be good for the show to: cwfranklin@gmail.com

Good Luck!

Confession # 62

It is 2 AM and I am still awake staring at this picture.

This has really hit me hard. I do not really understand why; I just know that this picture is keeping me up again tonight just like it has for the past two nights.

So many times today I dialed his number but did not dare press the send button.
What would be the point?
What would I say?
Would he even answer?
Would she?

Damn! This is so stupid! I thought I was over him.

I am! I can do better! Much!

It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!

Yes that is it. I will just keep saying that….

It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
…

How many times do I have to say this before I believe it? Sigh...

It is now 2:07… Still awake and still staring at this picture… Do Not Pick up the phone!

It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!

Here come the tears…

It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!
It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!

How many times do I have to say this before I believe it?

It is only my pride that is broken not my heart!

My pride? My heart? Me?

Is it all broken? At 2:10 it sure feels like it.

A NOTE TO SPAMMERS!

Do not make comments to my blog as a way of selling your products.

This has occurred several times today so I have removed the ability for anyone to make any further comments unless they are invited by me to do so.

If you are someone who enjoys reading my blog and would like to make a comment, please feel free to send me an email or an instant message and I will add you to my team. I do enjoy hearing from you and geting your feedback.

--BrazenlyMad

Confession # 61

I was humbled last night.

My friends came over for an evening of cheesy chick flicks; great wine and to catch up on the happenings in our lives.

One of my friends was at Ruby Skye last week so we decided to go onto the web to see if she was caught on film by either flirtyflirty or SFSocial. We didn’t find any pictures of her or anyone else we knew but on another site we did come across a picture of my Ex and his new girlfriend.

I could not believe it. There was this picture of the two of them cozy together and smiling for the camera. The silence of the moment was only broken by a collective…eeeeeewwww!!!!…

Okay I knew they were together and accepted everything that goes with that, but I just assumed she would be younger, thinner and prettier than I am. She is not.

As the swirl of derogatory comments about the new girlfriend filled the room, I just sat on the couch with my PowerBook in my lap, silent.

“What is she wearing?”
“Is that cellulite?”
“Does she have food in her mouth?”
“Blahh Blahh Blaah”
“Yadda Yadda Yadda”
“Something Something Something”

I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

He left me for her?!?!?! Even with mascara stained tears running down my face, a runny nose and vomit in my hair I am prettier than she could ever hope to be.

Okay, so maybe I am high maintenance, and a little difficult. Maybe my expectations of my dates are high, but I have earned the right to be picky. I am 38 years old, financially independent, extremely intelligent, clever & witty, cute, some even say beautiful so compromising myself and settling are not options at this stage in my life and never should have been.

He is such a loser; she is probably the best he can do. So why am I letting this picture get to me?

Is it because as I sit here in my kitchen this morning staring at the two of them, I am alone?

No that is not it, at least I would never admit that out loud.

Confession # 60

For one week I thought only on myself.

Having postponed my trip to Mendocino, I was so anxious to escape the heat and the contractors I packed my car as if I was running away from home. I tossed my clothes, luxuries, and Shaggy in the back seat and got the hell out of Dodge.

Four-hours later, Shaggy and I pulled into the MacCallum House.

After checking to make sure the towel rack in my room was not broken or replace in the last year, I set up house. (Inside joke, only those who know about the true birth of BrazenlyBad will understand)

I placed a chenille rug on the bathroom floor and decorated the counters with orchids and scented candles. I unpacked my books, set up my iPod and speakers, turned on my PowerBook and placed my cooler with my groceries (diet coke, fruit, bread, peanut butter and Mint Milano cookies) in the closet. I set up Shaggy’s crate and bowls by the back door, change my clothes and set out to explore the town.

Sunday… Everything closed so I took Shags for a walk along the mountain trail to watch the sunset, got some take out, took a long hot bath, watched Desperate Housewives and hit the hay. Good start to what promises to be a great week

Day Two
Slept until 10:30 AM. Unheard of in my house!

Threw on my running clothes and shoes, headed into town to get some breakfast and get in a run. I really did not run too far, once Shaggy discovered the mountain trail was covered with blackberries we had to stop to pick them. We then went down to the beach to play tag with the surf for a while. Back up on the trail we discovered the most amazing tide pools full of life and mystery. We headed back to our room, I took a shower and got dressed for the day and went back into town to do some shopping.

Mendocino is a very dog friendly town. The streets are full of visitors with four legs, Shaggy made several new friends today. He was also very happy to discover that he could actually go into the different shops in town, including the Chocolate Shoppe that had dog treats made of carob behind the counter just for him and his kin.

Today I bought shoes, wine and two new books.

Overall Rating: Excellent Day

Day Three
Started out just like day two, only with one difference. Today Shaggy met a new friend who was leashed to a very cute and charming man who was also picking blackberries instead of running.

The weather is cold and foggy with the sun fighting to break through the strolling clouds. In a word "perfect." Great weather to sit on a giant bench and chat with new friends.

Day Four
Last night I had the most amazing meal, the most perfect bottle of wine, great company and the best night sleep.

This morning I have decided it is time to relax so I booked a day at the spa!

Day Five
Shaggy and I decided to hike out to the Light House at Point Cabrillo early this morning, but turned back when I saw the mountain lion warning, so damn, Shaggy and I just had to settle for the beach today.

We met our new friends, for lunch and headed out to 10-mile beach up in Fort Bragg, (there is not actually a fort there. Hmmm…) It was amazing. The fog was so thick you could only see about 50 yards in front of you at a time.

Very surreal and romantic. Catherine and Heathcliff would have picked this beach if they did not have their moors to run through.

Day Six
After breakfast and my run I went shopping—AGAIN—but with purpose.

I bought the most amazing painting! It is of a wide-eyed, wild haired woman drawn in gold on a wine colored background. Flowers surround the woman’s face and a hummingbird is whispering in her ear to trust in divine wisdom… Something I need to be reminded of from time to time.

Long nap in the afternoon…

Dinner, wine and moonlight walk along the cliffs to watch the sunset somewhere out there in the fog. A kiss goodnight and good-bye.

Early to bed because I am leaving first thing in the morning.

I am sad… But not as sad as Shaggy will be when he discovers we are going home and do not live here.