Confession # 73

I am a BIG GIANT CHICKEN SHIT!

I had my chance last night to have the talk with my friend, and I chickened out!

It just did not seem like the right time. He was late, I ran into friends, we were both tired… Long and short of it I am a BIG GIANT
CHICKEN SHIT!

This is a great friendship, the reward is worth the risk, but the gamble is not worth the loss. Well I sort of opened the bottle, now I just have to let it breathe and see what develops. Nothing ventured, nothing
gained—right?
(How many dorky clichés can I use in this post?)

The funny thing is if he were counseling me on this whole situation he would only have two two words for me.

CHICKEN SHIT!

Confession # 72

I about to make a decision that will change my whole life.

I was up most the night wrestling with the idea of telling my best friend (who happens to be a the sweetest man on the planet) that I think I like him more than just a friend.

Now I do not know how to really go about this. I most certainly do not want to destroy a great friendship, which this is, if things do not work out, or worse if he does not feel the same way. But it is getting to the point where I really do only want to spend all my time with him.

This whole thing has just snuck up on me I have been really happy just being by myself and dating some very wonderful men. Then boom! It hit me yesterday while I was on a date with someone else.

Last night as my date asked me a question that seemed reasonable, one that made sense considering the amount of time we had been dating and level of enjoyment we have been having. He asked if we could take it to the next level.

Now at this point in my life, I am not ready to get serious right now, or so I thought. I am in the middle of a remodel, training for a half marathon in October, and running two fundraisers that are back to back. No time for serious, easy breezy that I all want right now. That is the answer that I thought would just flow from me, sensitively and reassuringly. But that was not the answer that came out to mind. The only thing that came to my mind was my friend.

All evening I kept wondering what he was up to, kept wonder when he was coming back from his business trip, wishing he were with me.

What do I do? Do I just say it? What do I say? Do I say it in person, on the phone, in a text message?

I am so nervous, scared, and anxious. Any suggestions would greatly be appreciated.

My new "Fall Boots"

Today I bought the most beautiful brown suede boots for fall. I thought they would go perfectly for my date tonight, which was to sample the new fall tasting menu 71 St. Peter’s in San Jose. An absolute must-go-to restaurant for any wine snob. Well as I turned the corner to meet my date, who was waiting for me out on the patio, my new fall boots with their brand new heels gave way on the tile floor. I slipped and fell in the most awkward and embarrassing way.

Not quite the dramatic fall entrance I imagined, but a fall entrance it was.

Just thought I would share.

Confession # 70

I am torn between two lovers.

The first one is 12 years my senior; the other is 6 years my junior.

It has often been said by my those in my inner circle that the perfect man for me would have to be someone much older than I am to treat me to the lifestyle I have become accustom to, or someone much younger than I am to treat me to the lifestyle I was denied in my very boring marriage.

They were wrong. Well not completely wrong, they just had it backwards. You see I am fulfilling this prophecy but in my own BrazenlyBad way.

The older man, having made his way in society, treats me to the fun and adventure I missed, the younger man, who holds a place in society equal to my own, treats me to the more elegant and cultured aspects of Bay Area Living.

Both men are fun and have great senses of humor; both men are very intelligent; both men believe in living for the moment and living it to the fullest. Both men are happy. I like that!

It just goes to show that age should not be counted by a number but by ones attitude and ability to enjoy life.

My mantra for living is:
Life is not about being young again; it is about never growing old.

Confession # 69

I am and will always be a Daddy's Girl.

After two-and-an-half weeks of moping, my Dad got me hi-speed internet. Hey it is cheaper than a car. Okay, he got me one of those too many years ago.

Anyway...I am back on-line.

Thank you Daddy.

I have traveled back in time.

I have traveled back in time.

The contractors invaded my house with their sledgehammers and power tools, so I find myself back at “HOME” with Mom and Dad.

For how long? Well I have been here for two weeks and I expect it will be another two, maybe three.

(THUD… THUD… THUD… That is my head is banging against the wall)

Don’t get me wrong, my parents are pretty cool, it is just that it is really like living in back in 1985. They do not have an Internet connection, so I will not be able to post anything until I discover a wireless connection at some café that does not charge me an arm and a leg.

Hopefully I will be able to find one soon. I have a ton of stuff to catch you all up on, bills to pay and emails to respond to (can read email via my phone, but don’t dare try to reply).

I have tried connecting to the Internet with my Bluetooth, but I am doing something wrong, and I am too stubborn to call tech support to figure it out.

No I will find a café and set up shop. When I do, be ready for the flood of my wacky adventures and crazy encounters.

Hey wait! If you are reading this, I have found my connection to the cyber world and have, temporarily, rejoined you here in the present.

You will never believe what I have been up to. Even living with my parents cannot slow me down. That’s right Daddy, your little girl has grown up and is BrazenlyBad.

Confession # 68

I have never fired a gun. Until today!

I went out to the middle of nowhere to some little town called Birdslanding and went Clay Shooting.

Even though I dressed, what I thought was appropriately for the event. I had on jeans an orange suede jacket, braids and a very cute Brazilian cowboy hat. I was a little nervous at first, but any fear I had was zapped right out of me, when I found out we were competing with two other groups. I am very competitive and a little voice kept whispering in my ear, “Only WINNERS get to ride home in my car,” so the I grabbed a 12-gage automatic shotgun, held it tightly to my shoulder, rested my cheek firmly on the butt and yelled “PULL!”

Out of 40 shots I made 8! That is 20% and I am told very damn good for a beginner. Our group hit 69 out of a 100 and won the round by 0.10 of a point.

That’s right my team won! Did you really doubt that we would?

After a great BBQ lunch provided by the Gun Club, my friend John, aka the little voice that kept whispering in my ear, opened his car door for me and I got in and we drove back to civilization feeling pretty damn proud of ourselves.

It was an awesome experience! I will do it again.