Confession # 21
Yesterday I was given the opportunity to cry, so I took it.
The company of a dear friend had a major event this weekend, and he asked if I could attend and hang out with him while he schmoozed vendors. I said yes and found myself heading towards the absolutely last place in the world I wanted to go.
As I made the drive I had made many times before, I could feel the tears coming. I kept telling myself, I could do it. I could go there and be charming and witty and supportive, no matter how I was feeling inside. I had to do it. My friend needed me.
I went, I put a smile on, did what I needed to do, and left. But instead of just going home, I made a stop even though I promised myself I wouldn't. You see, leaving the event site I had a choice, I could turn left towards home and never look back or I could go straight and find closure. I went straight.
On an empty trail I sat down on a bench and cried. I had sat on this bench once before, in the crook of the arm of a man who now hates me. I sat alone, cried and said all the things I wanted so badly to say to this man even though he was not there to hear. I said all my thank yous. I voiced all my anger and all my sadness for things gone wrong. I made countless apologies for behavior that I am too embarrassed to even mention. I said goodbye.
I left a piece of my heart on that bench yesterday. I also took a treasure from the trail to bring home and press into my book of sonnets, so I can always remember, try to forget and finally move on.
The company of a dear friend had a major event this weekend, and he asked if I could attend and hang out with him while he schmoozed vendors. I said yes and found myself heading towards the absolutely last place in the world I wanted to go.
As I made the drive I had made many times before, I could feel the tears coming. I kept telling myself, I could do it. I could go there and be charming and witty and supportive, no matter how I was feeling inside. I had to do it. My friend needed me.
I went, I put a smile on, did what I needed to do, and left. But instead of just going home, I made a stop even though I promised myself I wouldn't. You see, leaving the event site I had a choice, I could turn left towards home and never look back or I could go straight and find closure. I went straight.
On an empty trail I sat down on a bench and cried. I had sat on this bench once before, in the crook of the arm of a man who now hates me. I sat alone, cried and said all the things I wanted so badly to say to this man even though he was not there to hear. I said all my thank yous. I voiced all my anger and all my sadness for things gone wrong. I made countless apologies for behavior that I am too embarrassed to even mention. I said goodbye.
I left a piece of my heart on that bench yesterday. I also took a treasure from the trail to bring home and press into my book of sonnets, so I can always remember, try to forget and finally move on.
posted by BrazenlyBad at 4:25 PM
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