Confession # 20
I have created a situation that I am not really proud of.
There is no real way to deal with the situation, except just to sit with it and ride it out. There is no real good excuse for what I did, except to say that I was angry because I was lied to, and felt betrayed. There is no real solution for the situation because I am the only player left standing.
What I really need to do now is cry, and I still cannot do that.
Re-writers of history will tell a different story of the “overall” situation so they can move on in their own way, but I know the truth because there are certain things I would never have done if I the story went the way the revised version is being told.
No matter, I just have to cry, get it out, and move on.
Why can't I cry?....
Maybe because the heartbreak I am dealing with is that of a small child who lives deep inside of me, and was given hope. Maybe the grown up anger I am dealing with is more about that and so I cannot deal with the grown up hurt. I have to take care of the child.
I need to cry. A real good grown up cry!
It will hit me soon, the anger and the sadness have moved from my stomach to my chest. The tears are there, I can feel them coming and it will be the silliest thing that will bring them out, but that silly thing will more than likely become one of my fondest memories.
There is no real way to deal with the situation, except just to sit with it and ride it out. There is no real good excuse for what I did, except to say that I was angry because I was lied to, and felt betrayed. There is no real solution for the situation because I am the only player left standing.
What I really need to do now is cry, and I still cannot do that.
Re-writers of history will tell a different story of the “overall” situation so they can move on in their own way, but I know the truth because there are certain things I would never have done if I the story went the way the revised version is being told.
No matter, I just have to cry, get it out, and move on.
Why can't I cry?....
Maybe because the heartbreak I am dealing with is that of a small child who lives deep inside of me, and was given hope. Maybe the grown up anger I am dealing with is more about that and so I cannot deal with the grown up hurt. I have to take care of the child.
I need to cry. A real good grown up cry!
It will hit me soon, the anger and the sadness have moved from my stomach to my chest. The tears are there, I can feel them coming and it will be the silliest thing that will bring them out, but that silly thing will more than likely become one of my fondest memories.
posted by BrazenlyBad at 4:47 AM
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