Confession # 27

I cannot sleep when it rains.

I don't really know why. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I lost a dog in the rain when I was very young, but who really knows.

Hard rain or soft rain, I always hear it. It knocks on my bedroom window, it calls to me, and it wakes me up. I lie in bed and wonder why, why am I awake? I get up, stumble down the hall into the kitchen, fix myself a cup of tea, sit in the dark, stare out the window in silence and just watch it-for hours… I have done this for years…

Last night the rain added another element of mystery. It knocked the power out.

I sat in the kitchen staring out the window, but it was not dark. The moon was waxing so the clouds were lit from above and cast an eerie orange glow on everything. I lit a match to ignite the burner so I could have my tea and I waited for morning. As I watched the rain bounce like coins off the sidewalk I thought of all the things I needed to do today, and how I needed sleep to do most of them. I thought of all the things I could be doing then, but not having any power made doing them impossible.

My mind filled until the kettle blew and woke me up to what I really needed to be doing at that moment. Retreat and do nothing but be still. Watch the rain, and think of nothing. Let the sound of the rain hypnotize me like it has always done. Relax in a way that sleep cannot even provide. Relax and be with myself, be awake but not really conscious, be happy for the quite, be thankful for this rare gift of peace.