Confession # 96

I have run away to Mendocino again, but this time with the love of my life. My daughter.

As I sit here this morning taking in the view, I cannot decide which is more beautiful, the ocean or my sleeping child. She is so amazing and so deserving, I make no apologies for being so picky about the men I bring into my life.

I have these little tests that I challenge all the men I date with. They are things that may only matter to me, but they tell me a lot. The results of the tests and not black or white, but I know when someone fails them, and thus fails me.

I know this all sounds like I am looking for faults, but I am not. I am just being very selective, and I have a right to be. I have a responsibility to be. My daughter will have relationships that mirror the ones she sees me in. The only one she really knows so far is the one I had with her father, and I do not want that for her.

She needs to see me with a man who values me, a man who respects me, a man who truly loves me; she needs to see me in a relationship where I can be me and not make any apologies for it. So if someone thinks my tests are stupid, manipulative, or that I am just being too picky. I invite you to watch my 7-year-old daughter sleep and dream.